Jaime

Jaime

In Adam’s fall we sinned all, the old rhyme says, but sometimes Jaime believed that he had shouldered an unfairly large portion of that burden. He was sitting on the steps of the Palazzo Vecchio, just a few feet from the sign forbidding people from doing so, talking morosely about some horrible experience in his life while Jaime listened attentively and finished off the last of her gelato. It was pretty chilly, a November kind of day, and he thought her silly for bothering with ice cream; her nose was already red from the weather, and her ears–only the tips of which were visible from under her grey knit cap–were also red, contrasting sharply with the little white earring studs she wore that day. As Jaime spoke he avoided looking at her, feeling that staring off into space would make his words seem all the more dramatic, as though he were speaking through that un-self-conscious fog of memory that dimestore novelists often have their more dramatic characters speak through. Jaime also knew that looking at her would distract him and break his mood: even in her present half-frozen state Jaime was by far the most beautiful person he’d ever known, and the sight of her dancing eyes would only make him happy, and happiness was not the effect he was going for here. Happiness would ruin the mood.

With the carefully mannered and thoughtfully articulated cadences of someone who wants to be taken seriously, Jaime spoke. “It would be easier if I knew what I wanted, then maybe I could figure out how to get it. But I feel like I’m just floundering about, rudderless. I miss who I was, but even more so I miss the prospect of being what I wanted to be.”

Through a mouthful of waffle cone Jaime replied, “And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” She stood and dusted herself off, munching as she walked over to the trashcan to throw away her wrapper. And with that the matter was settled. Jaime was always quick with a comment, and being so vastly superior to Jaime intelligence-wise and otherwise-wise, her comments often had the effect of shutting his self-deprecating musings up. She moved quickly, with the easy gait of someone that knows and understands herself, and when she spoke she did so in her sleek and pleasantly lilting voice that served as the perfect conduit for her wit, which always roared.

“You’re in Italy, homebelly,” she offered when she returned, “cheer up a bit.” She extended her hand to help lift him from his illegal perch and he took it, dusting off his rear after standing. They made an unlikely pair, the coincidence of their names notwithstanding. Her eyes were blue and her hair mousy-brown; his were the other way around. Though he towered over her, his evident lack of self-respect diminished his stature somewhat; Jaime often called him the littlest giant she’d ever seen. She herself was rather small, especially in relation to him, though she adamantly insisted that she was of average height.

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Joe Meets God, Buys a Futon

Joe Meets God, Buys a Futon

{note: I couldn’t figure out how to make screenplay format work on this blog, but since this is a first draft anyway, I thought I’d go ahead and just improvise.}

FADE IN:

INT. GOD’S APARTMENT. DAY.

[A knock on the door, and GOD answers it. He is surprisingly young. Knocking on the door is JOE, 20ish.]

JOE
Hi, I’m here about the futon?

GOD
Oh, sure come in. Like I said in the ad, it’s nothing special, but it’s pretty good for the price.

[A studio apartment, typical bachelor pad: overstocked liquor cabinet, understocked refrigerator.]

JOE
Why are you getting rid of it?

GOD
I don’t know. It was just like taking up space. Can I get you something to drink? Water, wine? Have some wine. I’ll get you a glass.

[He goes into the kitchen and runs the tap. He comes back with a glass of water and hands it to Joe, who is testing out the futon.]

JOE
(taking a sip)
Thanks, that’s some good wine.

GOD
Oh wait, I forgot.

[He takes the glass back, passes His hand over it, and it turns into red wine. He hands it back to Joe, who is stunned.]

JOE
My God, what’d you just do?

[God shrugs.]

GOD
You prefer white?

[He waves His hand and the wine turns white. Joe is shocked.]

Continue reading “Joe Meets God, Buys a Futon”